I originally designed this in 2019 or 2020, I now decided to edit it and bring it back in 2024.

Hi. You can call me BlueCloud, BlueLight, Dax, Marino or my actual name. I make art. I like and love countless things."Links" has my accounts on some websites/apps. "Boundaries, notes, etc" has things that can help to know, like some serious things, including art request stuff, why my Discord activeness lessened, and many other info.
.
I'm sorry that this has a lot of things written in it, but I think the more information this has, the better this is... I'm bad at keeping things short and prioritise providing information. I've already changed many details for the better. I don't know how much I'll edit in the future. I know it maybe needs some shortening, improvements and some more info at the same time...
Last updated; November 14, 2025

  • I make art. Mainly cartoony art. I don't even draw (or create art in some other way) that often though, I'm embarrassingly slow and can't always find time or have ideas or motivation.

  • I'd love to voice act for a media project or even contribute in some other way, like with drawings, writing, photos! (I have a nice voice and can do various different voices than my natural voice too.) Don't be afraid to invite me to a media project. (I always got rejected, I'd be more confident with an invite.)

  • My top 4 favourite colours in order are blue, green, purple and orange.

  • I'm male. He/they pronouns are fine. (I don't mind gender neutral pronouns if not meant to be emasculating, I don't like these pronoun stuff but I'm a guy so primarily he/him.)

  • I'm from Turkey, living in Istanbul. Non-native English speaker, bilingual. I can speak English and Turkish but I mainly speak English on the Internet. I'm biologically more European so I'm pretty sure I count as a white person tbh, various types of people are in Turkey. I learned some English at school when I was a child but I mostly learned it by myself by reading and translating things, expanding my English every year.

  • I like and love countless things. I find it tiring to list but I'll list some of them below.

  • I love fruits, plants, animals, science, nature, water, music, some kidcore stuff, some spooky stuff, funny stuff, cute stuff, dreams, toys. Countless media interests like animated shows and video games.

  • I have 2 cartoon ideas and so many OCs, I haven't been posting art of them publicly that much but yes. I'm more open to posting art about them publicly now than I was in 2015-2021. I enjoy talking about them too even if I don't think I'm good at it.

  • I'm not religious, I'm proudly religion-free. I have some spiritual beliefs, like reincarnation.

  • I'm pretty miserable, please be patient and considerate. I have emotional weaknesses, unpleasant life problems and way too many traumas too, about various things (I healed enough from some, but still...).

  • I have bright skin, dark blond hair (my other hairs look black though...) and medium brown eyes. My hair is short, but not too short, and kind of messy. I have a fair bit of facial hair growing which I hope doesn't make me look uglier lol (I cut my facial hair once or twice a month, don't get it wrong, I also use scissors to do it, which is probably uncommon). I like wearing colourful or/and black clothes.

  • I normally listen to + act based on my thinking skills instead of my feelings.

  • My birthday is January 6. I'm an adult, not telling my exact age here. I'm not that open about my age anymore because I hate being seen or treated differently because of my age. I won't tell my age if it's not really necessary in the context. I'm ok with interacting with any age as long as nothing bad is going on, but I definitely prefer people not being under 13.

  • I do have a sense of humour and I can find many types of humour funny.

  • My weight can fluctuate around 63-68 kg but it was 64 kg the last time I checked. I think it's partly because I'm physically strong, not just "fatness" lol. Also, I'm not tall.

  • If you think I'm stupid, here is a fun fact for you; according to some hospital tests, I have a "shiny intelligence".

  • I have 3 cats. (My whole life I've always known I don't want human kids, I'm very disinterested and unfit for it, but my cats are like my furry daughters.)

  • Winter is my favourite season, autumn is my second favourite. I dislike summer even if it has its positives.

  • I use trackpad to draw. I just use my finger like a pen. I had a drawing tablet in late 2020 to the first half of 2023 but it stopped working sadly. I quit drawing on paper in like 2018, but I drew on paper a lot as a child. I used to seldomly make digital art in earlier parts of my life but it became my main art form in 2012.

  • I love plushies and I've collected a lot of them throughout my life. I like other types of toys too but plushies the most.

  • Please don't think of me lowly for this but I currently don't have a "job". Not only that finding one really isn't as easy as you'd think, I'm also probably not mentally ready for that yet, but maybe I will get a "job" later. I'd like to one day!

  • I almost never have dreams when sleeping, but when I do, it's common for them to be disturbing.

  • I feel that I'm really both like "XD" and "|:(" personality wise.

  • I sleep irregularly. I could be sleeping or awake at any hour.

  • I'm a leftist. I don't want to pick a more specific political label, I agree with leftist values. (No, I'm not one of those stupid or harmful people, I'm not a radical inclusionist either, I'd rather not get associated with such types of people, I oppose them for giving good things and my views a false and bad image.)

  • Feel free to give me media recommendations (there's a chance I may already be into it or know of it), I mean shows, music, games and etc, I love to discover and check new things. (I'm mostly into anime, object show, story based game, really good cartoon, animated movie and music recommendations right now, but still any type of recommendation is fine. Warning that I seriously can't get into live action shows tho, (only shows, not movies), that's the only exception.)

  • Enjoying various medias, creating my own content, items I have, foods and drinks I like, and spending good times outside my home are what mostly give my life purposes and positivity. (Unfortunately I can't say the same about friendships/socialisation/people/etc, I wish I could but I'm very far from having a social life I can be truly happy with.)

  • I know I sound edgy or weird commonly, but I can't help it, I don't know how else to communicate some things, my personality is like that too, and it is also because I'm just not doing/feeling well in life lol.

  • May add more later. I want to pay attention to other things right now.

  • I'm really lonely. (Just because I've been using Discord doesn't mean I'm not lol.) That's one of the things that hurt me the most, and has been for a lot of years. I can get jealous of friends who very happily spend a lot of time with eachother. I wish I still had that sort of thing. Quality over quantity, but I have barely any friends left as well, small amount, I don't even get to spend time with them much, almost everyone feels distant in general. But I'm grateful mostly about a specific good friend who talks to me for some times like everyday. Luca is really cool.

  • I want my past friendships back... people from the past in general... It would mean a lot to me to genuinely get some people back, it's even one of the things that would help me the most at this point... but I know getting anyone back is extremely unlikely, if not impossible... (This doesn't include stinky people who haven't changed enough and people with harmful views.) And I have scars that will stay with me for the rest of my life because of losing irreplaceable people who were very, very dear to me.

  • I'm pretty detached in general and it's hard to be liked by me, my view on a big majority of people is neutral, negative being a second (but I don't care much and don't get unnecessarily worked up about my negative views, and I really try to be as least negative as possible but it's not my fault that many people are filthy). Out of my control. I wasn't always like this. I loved and cared too much, I very easily liked people and had attachment issues before 2020s, I changed. A combination of getting smarter, generally changing as a person and bad experiences killing me inside. I kept becoming more misanthropic, neutral, unloving and more detached as years passed (I started becoming like this in the 2nd half of 2020, it continued being amplified every year in 2020s). Just because I'm detached and don't like people doesn't mean I don't function with respect, consideration and basic decency, so PLEASE DON'T hold this against me.

  • I used to be more Internet famous in the past, my fame starting in the 2nd half of 2012, but I faded into obscurity by now. Sensitive subject, if you want to approach it, be careful.

  • Unlike so many people, I have 0 relatives that I have a close and/or friendly relationship with, so I can't relate to you about these stuff. (It doesn't bother me much, I always cared so much more about having friends and had no family member related longings, and it's still like that. It still shows how much of a loser I am though.) Also, my mom is the only human I live with, I don't have anyone else that I can live with. And I'm not saying all my relatives are crap, I'm just talking about the lack of closeness, don't get it wrong.

  • I don't have an issue with admitting how much of a loser I am in general. I already know saying certain things can make me look...pathetic and laughable. But I know people who are morally decent enough wouldn't think lowly of me for those.

  • I have BPD, depression and very duper high functioning autism (formerly called Asperger's syndrome, I know that term is bad) (I said "very duper" jokingly but still I'm high functioning and "normal" enough I'm sure). I don't know if I have anything else. I do my best and I'd appreciate some patience and understanding. But I don't want people to reduce me to mental conditions or assume lots of random stuff about me because of them either.

  • I'm underprivileged in multiple ways and don't have a life that I can call good. I don't live in a good or normal/proper enough home (no, I can't move anywhere else but I wish I could), I'm pretty lonely, I'm not in a good financial state, I'm hurt from so many things and lost a lot that I had before... I lack some supposedly basic good things that other people have... I'm constantly depressed, but I promise it doesn't cloud my thinking and judgement like it did years ago anymore, apology about that here. But I still have feelings, of course... I know my life has some positive things about it, I have many nice items and Internet access for example, but I still don't like it, it has many and various unpleasant things about it, I don't see much hope for myself and my future. I already have been trying to make things better for myself as much as I can, but not everything is within my reach. Acknowledging is better than being in denial and false optimism.

  • I'm aromantic. I feel like I'm both asexual and straight somehow, maybe I'm hetero-greysexual. I have some sort of liking towards women but it has so much missing pieces/is very limited even if it may not look like it. I don't "date" people/I vehemently stay away from romance and always will, I'm just ok with doing things with close friends (hypothetical) without changing the friendships, no number limit. That may look like dating/romance but it's not the same, it doesn't have the pressures of those relationships and I don't have romantic attraction even if I love my friends and need closeness. There's nothing wrong with this, go away if you're too close minded to see that. I have no control over these things about me, I love being aromantic anyway. (No, I don't have any friends like that, I'm not stupid so I don't try either. I don't believe I can or will properly get anyone, it's pretty unpleasant but I acknowledge and kinda accept it. :| ) I reasonably really distrust people so I think I shouldn't trust people with such a sensitive topic anyway. (I know this bit may have sounded embarrassing, but I hate it when people assume incorrect things about these things about me and it can generally help to disclose these.)

  • I don't dislike or like myself, I simply don't have a clear opinion on myself, I'm mostly just aware of facts about myself instead of having an opinion or self-esteem, I don't like some things about myself, there are things that I like about myself, and I know I'm not as worthless or bad as some people acted like I am. I be nice to myself as much as I can, but that's a different thing. Also, being loved and having good friends is a completely different thing than having a positive opinion on oneself, even if I really loved myself, I still would feel the same pains about things like loneliness and being an outcast.

  • I've always held friends and spending time with them as a top priority and considered these highly important things. Having good friends and spending good times with them has always been one of the things that affect my mental health positively the most. My friends were and are genuinely dear to me in general. But too bad this thing about me was undervalued and discarded so much.

  • If some stuff here felt unlike me or surprising to you or if I oddly seem different from before in general (which means you knew me before 2025), well... I'm significantly different from how I was years ago. A mix of me being truer to myself and more different, better in some ways (example; better judgement) but worse in some other ways (example; likely more boring). That old pre-2025 version of me died, even if I'm essentially the same person. Likely a result of bad experiences killing me inside, self-improvement and dissociation.

  • I know this site has a lot of unhappy things written in it, but I added whatever I felt like would be right to add. I know this site looks a bit odd, but I can't tell about myself differently currently. It's actually amazing if you even took time to read these. I already know almost no one cares enough to read this site. Thanks for reading, especially if you didn't read this in a negative/hostile reading type of way and just care about me instead.

You can suggest me to add things to this carrd if you have anything in your mind. Btw this toothpaste is cute.

Some character pictures I added to this card in 2019-2020. I don't feel like editing or adding anything here.

Thank you if you took/made time to read this site. Thank you if you checked my content on websites too. Don't be afraid to reach out to me if you wish to do so.

-Do not use or repost my art without permission. And please don't forget to give me credit if you'll use!-If you want me to draw something for you, see my art request status.-I'm not open to new friends, I officially decided on this in September 2024, I don't befriend new people anymore. I came to the conclusion that this is the best option for me after over a decade of horrible experiences and losing hope, I really shouldn't risk getting hurt anymore. (Link to a longer explanation if you want to see.) Sorry for the disappointment. I can still interact with people without being friends like everyone does. I'm on websites/apps for other reasons than making new friends.-I'm less active on Discord than I was before 2025. Because... I used to have good times with friends there, but now it is a ghost of its former self, which is too painful for me. Discord hurts to see and deal with because of hurtful personal problems, mostly that it hurts how I've lost too much that I had in the past and how I lack many good things, Discord reminds me of hurtful things, it has been hurtful to use even when nothing bad is happening, and I lost reasons I had to be here even if I still have some reasons, I do not do a lot here. But it still feels worth using for certain things. Especially Luca, a cool friend who talks to me everyday. Even if Discord hurts to look at, I don't actually discourage people from interacting with me there, it can make me happier and give me more reasons to use it, but that's only if I genuinely like what's happening.-Please don't feel intimidated by me, there is no real reason to feel that way... if anything, I'm the least intimidating person around, whether you see it or not.-I'm leftist and anti-religion (I have especially Abrahamics in mind when saying that, and conservative believers), and I'm really not comfortable with people who are the opposites of those, I would rather stay away from them. I came to the conclusion that being more open about this is necessary for me after some unpleasant things that I went through. Me not wanting to be around certain types of people is nothing like me bullying them or whatever and is necessary for my well being, so if you're going to act like I'm in the wrong about this, you'll just look like a disrespectful idiot. You disagree with leftist values? Yeah, I'd rather stay away, fuck off. You're religious? Really depends on what kind of religious person you are, but I might still distrust if I don't know enough about your beliefs... If you believe in shit like "gay sex is sin" or "people literally burn in hell for not obeying my religion" yeah, you're a type that really disgusts me, I'd rather stay away, fuck off. It also really disgusts me to see people repressing themselves, like refraining from innocent things, and forcing themselves into doing unnecessary and/or bad things because of their religions. Extra "fuck you" to older family members who brainwash and repress younger family members and those who mistreat non-believing ones, thinking they MUST believe and obey the religion, disgusting. And I don't mind if me disapproving of your religion bothers you.-Kind of related to the thing above. If you're a bigot of any kind, I'd much rather keep myself away from you, doesn't matter if you're one of the types of people mentioned above or not. (Example, even if you support some good things and aren't religious, I will still want to stay away from you if you have questionable views on men or white people.) Also, even if you "don't hate", if you don't support rights and equality (including but not limited to LGBT and racial equality), I'll still want to stay away as well.-It's not valid criticism if you think I'm being wrongfully hateful or falsely believe I am bigoted because of getting a glimpse of my views on religions. No I'm not, hear me out. There is a chance you just don't know enough about how I am. I know not every religious person has harmful views. I personally don't mind ones that can think normally (I know the ones who can't don't realise it), and it generally depends on the beliefs like I already said. But this will not stop me from talking about certain religions negatively or having negative views on religions. It is a literal fact that a lot of religion related things cause various harm and oppress people, I'm not doing anything wrong by acknowledging that. I can acknowledge that not every religious person is bad, but I can't change my negative views on certain religions. I'm not attacking anyone, I only disapprove of harmful mindsets and feel very sorry for victims. Think outside the box for once.
Short; I respect non-conservative religious people.-If you're like "ewww wtf why is your Google/YouTube icon drawn by sheepkinta??" to be bluntly honest, get off my ass. I don't condone wrong doings but I generally try to be as least hostile/negative as possible towards people, no one is fully innocent, people can change. There is no harm in me using nice art someone who cared enough made of my OC when I was in an extra bad mood as my icon.-Please don't tell me to shut up, be quieter or to not complain, it is triggering and irritating.-Please just be honest to me. To me, blunt honesty is much better than fake positivity and silence. Blunt honesty hurts me less or just doesn't hurt.-If you have some sort of problem with me, say it to my face instead of only talking about me behind my back or keeping it to yourself. I would like to sort out any issue if there is any. But this doesn't mean you should be harsh to me about it. Don't. Please be honest but also civil and considerate. (I will definitely hold it against you if I mess up in some way and you be harsh to me about it, I don't really agree with the mindset that "your feelings don't matter when you do something wrong or bother me".)-PLEASE let me explain my side about serious or bad things that involve me. And please allow me to speak up what I have in mind about serious things in general. Don't avoid or prevent.-These being said, proper communication is important to me in general, I would appreciate your openness and consideration.-I will distrust you and not be fully comfortable if; you get drunk or high A LOT (it's fine if you do sometimes but if you're like this all the time I will see it as a red flag), you say "woke" unironically (political context), you dismiss harmful views like "respect people's views", "they're just different views" instead of seeing the bigger picture, you support anyone who really hurt me, you eat/drink your bodily wastes/fluids (it's fine if you did in the past but don't anymore), you villainise non-believing people for acknowledging the religion can oppress people and be harmful in general, you disrespect opinions (interests, personal preferences, etc), you're too sensitive to reasonable criticism/confrontation (you should be more considerate of others instead), you keep your feelings/thoughts about other people to yourself too much like even when you actually should be honest because people deserve to or should know, you dislike rabbits.-The topics suicide and break ups of serious and close couples and groups/close friendships ending/etc aren't things I'm always comfortable with discussing and discussions related to those can be distressing for me because of my own problems. I know about, understand and emphasise with those subjects more than other people do but it will bother me if you bring up these things to me.-Seeing public displays of affection or intimacy and friendly bonding, and seeing those kinds of stuff in front of me in general, makes me uncomfortable and can make my mood more unhappy and more suicidal. Also, other people's romantic, sexual and friendship successes can seriously make me uncomfortable and upset in general because of my own problems. I'm not saying others shouldn't have friends, partners and etc. or should never bring up those stuff, but try to have some tact and consideration with me when it comes to those stuff. Too much exposure to those can hurt me, I can't help it.-One of the things that piss me off, disgust and repulse me the most is getting villainised when there really is something bad that is bothering me.-I dislike being called siblinghood related words (sibling, brother) (bro can be fine though since it is used differently a lot) (I don't mind being called my sister's brother/sibling, that's true and literal, but I just dislike being called those words in different ways), gay (yes, even as a joke), old (this one is fine if it is just as a joke but don't overdo it) and baby/babe. Just use other words or nothing.-I won't respect you or listen to you if you berate me about my age. I won't respect you or even take you seriously if you view me negatively in any sort of way or mistreat me because of my gender. I'll not see your actions as valid if you dismiss my point of view of things.-Don't flirt with me, make "advances" or anything like those even as a joke if you're under 20, or if you're 20+ but barely know me or I told you not to. And please just nothing serious if you're a guy. (I know this likely leaves no one lmao. It would cheer but also scare me if someone I'm ok with gave me that sort of attention anyway, I'm not used to it and have so much distrust.) Keep in mind that I'm aromantic too. And if you're only joking, try not to take it too far. (Yes, these did happen in the past.)-Please don't use me mostly to vent or complain about your life and yourself, or to talk about negative personal affairs. It doesn't matter how much we interact. I'm not saying people shouldn't do those with me, the problem is overdoing it and not giving me enough of other types of attention. It will mess with me and put me off if that's the main thing someone does with me.-If you still hold anything bad or stupid I did years ago against me... I'm genuinely sorry about those stuff but I'm also not defined by those things at this point. I know I can't control you but I'd appreciate not being seen as bad over my past wrong doings. And especially, I'm really not the same as I was in 2010s. Sorry about anything wrong I did in any past year. (I've really been pretty clean from serious wrong doings these years though, Internet-wise I can think of one stupid thing I did in 2023, one inconsiderate thing I did in 2024, and nothing in 2025.)-Don't ask me about or try to find out invasive things about me, like stuff I'd rather keep in the dark. It doesn't matter and I'm really not okay with that. And if you make me uncomfortable or offend me about this subject, it likely will not go well.-If you would ignore me/not reply to me about a serious subject, you're horrible, that's a fact. Don't do that.-Please don't ask me stuff like "what's wrong?" if you're going to give very short or dry responses like "oh no" or if you're going to say nothing at all, it annoys me and can make me feel worse and unwanted.-Please don't try to get me involved in pro-ship and anti-ship discourse in any way, I'm begging. (No, I don't ship taboo stuff.) I also generally really don't like stuff like fandom discourses and LGBT in-fighting discourses, keep that shit away from me as much as possible. Touch grass.-I dislike the idea of referring to people with one letter names, it/its pronouns (except in contexts like "it was Emily who was at the door")(I can call others they/them and neopronouns as gender neutral pronouns, those are okay, but if someone would rather be called it/its, that has implications which I honestly find unpleasant and want to stay away from), nounself pronouns (they're confusing, only make things harder and aren't proper English, I'm very uncomfortable with them too), words that sound weird or confusing when used as names in sentences (examples; cool, big, hello, grab) and blatant fictional character names (excluding system fictives, I know they can't help it), so I'd rather not.-Don't say something like Happy Father's Day to me unless the father is jokingly supposed to be me lol, or my grandpa (dead). Don't say stuff like "it will get better in the future", "you have hope" to me, those are just empty words and you legit don't know enough, unhelpful as fuck. Don't act like we are close unless I confirmed it myself with my words (some people can be delusional about how things are between me and them and it's awkward...)-Texting is the easiest way to talk on the Internet for me. Internet voice chats/calls are much harder for me and I'm not good at them either. I usually never do those, in the past years since 2021 I've done them 2 times in a year at most, 0 in a year at least. I suggest texting me to talk instead, unless you have something special in mind, idk. (No, I'm not bad at talking to people outside the Internet orally, but Internet voice chats/calls just don't provide the same conditions as that or texting for me.)-Don't tell me to go to therapy or something like that, I don't need it, it wouldn't help me, waste of time and money, I've always been my own therapist, counselor or whatever, I can see things by myself and make my decisions for myself. And my problems are things therapy can't help. Therapy can be the right/helpful option for other people, but that just doesn't include me, I know it isn't for me. It's not what I need or right for me. (I haven't gone to therapy but I have gone to psychiatrists.)-Yeah, put me down and villainise me instead of trying to understand or caring about my side of stuff, I promise that makes you a good person and you're totally right to do that. /sarcasm-I hate lies so much, I promise I normally never lie, even+especially about serious stuff. If I lied, I probably got put in an extremely ridiculous situation that I didn't see another way out of. But that's very rare, happened just a few times in 2020s. Also, to me, blunt honesty is much better than fake positivity and silence (ew), I promise I'm honest if I'm being positive.-I hate off-topic comments on my posts. I'd appreciate it if you don't leave comments that are unrelated to the posts. Say whatever you want to say elsewhere if you can. Maybe I can excuse it if you wanna reach out and that's the only way you can think of contacting me.

Living this life is torture.

-I'm more sensitive to things like exclusion, dismissiveness, discardment, neglect and abandonment. Partly because of some bad things that happened to me, including traumatic things. It can really get to me. Please try to be more empathetic and understanding about this. I'd appreciate not being treated like these!-I don't always have something better or more detailed to say, but that really doesn't mean I don't care.
.
-I use heart emojis sometimes, especially blue heart, but I promise I never mean it in a "romantic" or weird way. It's just me showing positivity.
.
-If you're here for trouble (mocking, harassment, shittalking, etc), it would be wiser of you to fuck off and move on. Or approach whatever issue you have in an actually mature and civil way.-Please don't try to speak to me in Turkish if you don't know Turkish, unless you're just being humorous/playful. Also, I don't like getting special type of attention from Turkish people on the Internet for being Turkish. Please don't assume anything about me based on the country I'm from either.-Please tell me if I make a spelling or grammar mistake, or if you think something I said could be worded better (in general, not specifically stuff I wrote in this site), I want my English to be as good as possible.-Don't assume stuff about me in general, just ask instead. I really dislike false assumptions.-I don't show my face to people on the Internet. Yes, even if they're my friends. I decided to completely stop doing that a lot of years ago, please don't ask to see it. (I don't even look the same as I did when I was a teen.)-I'm not always good at showing people how much I like them or care about them, it's just a weakness. But when I'm able to show I can get worried about pushing people away or being dismissed/discarded. (Reminder that I went through too much and I'm really traumatised.)-People being nice and sweet towards me isn't enough to make me trust or like people, they need to have more than those. (I'm detached, careful and know better after horrible experiences. Also people who were nice and sweet towards me did similar horrible things to me.)-I wouldn't take it well if we are friends and I'm less to you than certain other people you have. It is one of the least surprising things for me at this point, but still.-Not always, but I sometimes find "why" questions annoying/bothersome. Like if I find them unnecessary, dumb, tiring to answer, invasive or weird in a bad way.-I don't consider people my friends easily or quickly (I don't even make new friends like I already said), just because we interacted doesn't mean I consider you my friend, just because I did some positive things for you doesn't mean that either, if I literally called you my friend directly and with the word itself, you are though. I'm tired of people being parasocial towards me and thinking we are friends despite it obviously not being the case. I don't trust people that much. I'm neutral to most people and detached. So don't expect from me to genuinely like you easily either. Please DON'T hold these facts against me, I have very good reasons, I've been through so much bad things, horrible things, I have experiences and knowledge, I've learned so many harsh lessons, some harsh experiences shaped me in cold ways... also, I'm just careful and smart enough to not do those, I don't believe it is a good thing.-I say slurs only if I can reclaim them, them including/applying to me I mean.-If you think anything I wrote in this site is worth harassing or mocking over, yeah, keep telling yourself that you're the better person and that there's nothing wrong with your mindset, you're totally right. /sarcasm-My views are my own, I'm not trying to cater to anyone. I've been doing my best to fact-check. (This site doesn't have all of my views, but yea.)-Don't try to change me or act like I'm not good enough. I really don't want to see that junk, especially after all the horrible low self-esteem and "struggling to be good enough" troubles I went through when I was a teenager, that nightmarish self-harm mindset is something I'm very thankful to have left behind. Acceptance, understanding, consideration and patience help me the best. I'm alright the way I am, even if I still wish I was better in some ways, less boring, more likeable, better attention (I'm not harsh to myself about it). Also, people's disapproval and negativity means absolutely nothing to me if I haven't done something seriously wrong.-I almost never even block people, I usually don't, I would do it only if I really have to. But it's not like I even interact with people a lot or get interacted with a lot by others haha.-I disapprove of people who act like mental conditions are cool and quirky accessories. I also disapprove of people who are like "[mental condition] is very bad, I should die if I have it." Both are yikes.-Honestly, it will ick me if you are way too sensitive about dark/offensive/weird/dirty humour. Or if you barely have a sense of humour. I can try to respect it as much as I can, but still. And if your humour involves harassing others, you're just shitty.-I would prefer staying away from the person if I have strong moral disagreements in general. Including things that aren't explicitly listed here. I know this is vague, but it's not like I can list everything.-My BPD mind is not something that can change, I have emotional weaknesses, please don't demonise this or blame me. (Some examples; Envy (I usually keep that to myself anyway), having had a few favourite people (I'm more than likely never going to have a new one ever again and I'm sure of it (the last time I had a new one was in 2019)), feeling painfully null or unhappy, being more sensitive than others about some things, inconsistencies, caring about bonds I have/had with friends more than an average person.) Also, BPD really isn't something that makes me a less good person, it's just an emotional weakness. I try my best. Some of the best things you can do for someone with BPD are being considerate of their point of view and proper communication. My condition doesn't make me less worthy than others.-I prefer being friends with people who are not friends with eachother. I feel safest keeping my friendships separate. I distrust the ideas of my friends being friends with eachother and friend groups. Those things have made bad things happen to me multiple times, for years, in the past. (None of my only remaining friends are friends with eachother thankfully.) I'll also not want to be around you if you are friends with or support someone gross, anyone gross, including but not limited just to people who hurt me.-Please don't act like making and having friends is a simple and easy thing around me. It's really not true, extremely far from the truth even. If you think that, it means you're either lucky/privileged or you just don't care that much about friendship stuff, and you likely lack the experiences and knowledge that I have. My loneliness isn't my choice. To say the least, I've been hurt by countless friends I had in various ways, friendships painfully ending, for significantly longer than a decade, not only that, I'm also someone that can't mix well with or get close with almost everyone, I'm an outcast. Do you know that friendships have requirements? So yes. You'd just be insulting me based on my friendship related traumas, conditions and bad experiences if you acted like it is simple and easy, that includes but isn't limited to acting like I can just go befriend new people and heal from past pains. Do you know what a bad cycle is, and the fact that people shouldn't stay in one? Do you know that some people are really irreplaceable? So yes, you don't know enough about me or my life, don't say stuff like this to me as advice or inspirational speech.-It really throws me off if someone is way too negative, aggressive or/and hostile in general. Being around people like this is uncomfortable and tiring for me, so I'd rather not. By "negative" I don't mean anything like being depressed or in a bad mood, I mean having negative views on things in general, including people, way too much. And NO, I'm not like this! I literally easily can be non-aggressive even when confronting people, and I really be as least hostile as I can be in general. And I'm not too negative, if you think I am, you probably misunderstood something or are being too sensitive and/or unempathetic about me being bothered by something that was in fact bad or weird in an unpleasant way.-It throws me off when people are too immature as well, especially if they're grown ass adults, weirdly extra immature adults really repulse me. This doesn't apply to harmless stuff like laughing at poop jokes, I mean behavioral stuff. Includes when people are too sensitive too.-How someone is in the present matters to me more than stuff like past mistakes, it is really what mainly matters for me, but I still think certain things about the past should be remembered for multiple reasons.-If you only want to role play a very specific storyline you came up with, I'm not the right person for it.-I have a sense of humour, some parts of it are maybe weird and I'm not sorry about it. That includes dark humour, dirty humour, even some stuff that can be offensive, and some stuff that can look weird in general. Actual moral views of people matter far more than what type of stuff they find funny. You're not valid if you'll judge me for my sense of humour. I can respect it if you're uncomfortable with a specific type of humour, but if you'll put me down for it then fuck off. (No, not the entirety of my sense of humour is "weird", and I'm not all the time in the face about its "weird" parts either, my social skills aren't poor like that.)-I really don't like being asked things people can look up by themselves, but I understand if you can't look up at the moment or don't understand despite looking up/need an explanation from an actual person.-I disowned my bio father's side of the family, they're out of my life, I avoid calling him family related words as much as I can, but I don't care if you refer to him as my father as long as you don't mistreat me in some way. He and his mom did awful things to me and my relatives and are extremely gross people, I'll leave it at that. (His mom died horribly and painfully in like 2021 tho and he is still alive but no one loves him lol.) (My mom has been single since I was a child, I don't have a "new dad" or anything, and I really don't mind.)-If what I said earlier about it/its and nounself pronouns bothers you, please hear me out. If you have a bizarre self-identification or expression, ok I guess, no harassment from me, but if you want me to pat your ass about it, you're asking for too much. I have my views and boundaries, I won't. I can just call you some other pronoun that isn't weird. My refusal to objectify you or call you a knife or meow as a pronoun doesn't make me deserving of being put down. Maybe you're the problem if you care way too much about stuff like this. Don't be an insufferable bully over something trivial. (This is nowhere near being the same thing as trans people wanting to be gendered correctly, if you make that comparison, you're annoying and trivialising actual big problems.) Feeling like people would dislike me over stuff like this took a toll on me in 2019-2020, it was hurtful, but I later realised anyone who would vilify me over my views and boundaries has unreasonable standards and isn't worth my energy so I stopped caring. Some maybe would argue I learned "the wrong lesson" but I don't believe I did. For my own good, including my sanity, I don't support or partake in ideologies I oppose, this isn't an exception. I prioritise myself over people who ask for too much and don't see or respect where I'm coming from. I wouldn't have a negative view on someone solely for using weird pronouns, I already behave decently, why should I be put down for not calling someone "it" or "bat" as pronouns? This isn't disrespect, this is disagreeing and being uncomfortable with using pronouns in weird ways. Should I be forced into asspatting an ideology that I find ridiculous and harmful, and even has hurt me and others? Don't act like this isn't weird, it is. This shouldn't be only about your quirkiness. Touch grass. (It feels ridiculous how I even felt the need to write all that. I'm better off staying away from people who are hostile, immature and entitled enough to put down others for disagreeing with using pronouns in weird ways anyway.)-If I look weirdly fixated on "dirty" stuff... it's nothing personal. Me discussing that kind of topics is a common thing with me if the person is old enough, especially friends, has been like that since I was a kid lol. Some of the reasons are that I find it funny and interesting, sometimes I can't think of other things to talk about. If I'm overdoing anything you can just let me know tho. I promise I'm not bad.-Please don't make remarks about my autism like "you take things literally because you're autistic" "you're so autistic" "your voice is autistic" "you don't get jokes because you're autistic" "you can't do this right because of autism" "this hurts your feelings because of autism" ... it makes me uncomfortable and it's degrading and annoying, and I can guarantee these have different reasons than my autism, like the context (especially this), my current knowledge and what I'm used to (I know they can be autism symptoms, that's just not the case with me). And no, the 1st and 4th thing don't even happen often but they're still good examples. And being told stuff like I'm "so autistic" or something about me being "autistic" just feels wrong and weird and makes me uncomfortable, I don't like it. It makes it sound like I'm not normal enough in a bad way, and like I'm really stupid. These don't mean I think autism is a bad thing, I just don't like being reduced to autism and these remarks aren't even accurate depictions of me and are infantilising and degrading. If you believe otherwise, you're the dumb stubborn unempathetic disrespectful ableist jerk who is assuming things wrong and doesn't even make an effort to know enough. Though I don't like stuff that really are related to my autism being made remarks about either, like stimming and fixations for example, I find that uncomfortable as well. Just because I can joke about autism and other mental conditions doesn't mean I'm ok with being reduced to them in people's views either. I just want to live life without getting refuced to autism, without so much things about me getting associated with my autism (a lot of the time even things that aren't related to my autism, ugh...) and I want to come across as normal enough. I wouldn't want to be reduced to BPD either, my emotions and actions still have reasons after all. My neurodivergence, my boundaries, valid.
.
-If you see me mentioning someone named Meltem (Mel for short), she is NOT real, it's an inside idea and joke. Maybe imaginary friend too. I never knew anyone named that, my luck in life isn't even high enough for those stuff. Other people I mention, Luca for example, are real.
.
-Don't go against these as a joke, it is unfunny. If you go against these to mock or bother me on purpose, I will just not take you seriously, it will not trouble and it will only make you look shitty.
.
-I don't know if I will add more, hopefully that is all. This section has some influence from past experiences, which is why some are oddly specific.